Most spanko’s are familiar with Michael Masterson and his work. When we discovered that we could type “spanking” into Google — and add the word videos — instead of looking it up in the dictionary, Michael Masterson was in the top results.
That feeling a spanko feels when they first learn they’re not alone in their fetish… I wish it could be bottled up and tasted again. Michael Masterson gave many spanko’s that taste of relief and acceptance and excitement all at once when we clicked on that realspankings.com link.
And what did we see?
Spanking. Hard spanking. Real spanking.
We saw our fantasies play in QuickTime file format. And at no point did we ever see the spanking Top receive any sexual gratification.
One thing about spanko’s — not all of us, but a fair amount that I’ve connected with — we can be somewhere on the asexual spectrum. We don’t get aroused by people, necessarily. We get turned on by spanking. I’ve masturbated to some spanking videos where I’ve felt no physical or sexual attraction to the spanker, or spankee, at all. It’s the dynamic and punishment, the act of behavior correction, that turns me on.
It’s the things the spanker does — rolls up their sleeves, pulls down the spankee’s pants, lectures and scolds, holds them in place, spanks them.
It’s the way the spankee suffers, cries, squirms, and accepts the punishment.
I was never searching for physical features in the videos I watched. I was searching for implements used, positions, corner time, mouth soaping, lecturing, etc. I gravitated towards Michael Masterson’s work frequently because his videos hit all the buttons for me — and as a bonus, he’s also an attractive man who spanks very lovely women.
For me, discipline spanking can be simultaneously erotic and completely disconnected from the act of sex.
It wasn’t until I discovered BDSM that I even felt interested in sex. I thought, if I were in a power exchange or domestic discipline dynamic with someone, I’d be sexually attracted to them enough to want to have sex. And I was right.
Unfortunately, many of you know how that first relationship went (see The Brat Diaries, essays; see A Necklace of Knuckles, Daddy). Long story short — I was a starving masochist, and I ate abuse like honeyed poison.
Fast forward to the present, and I actually am in a healthy domestic discipline relationship. I’m married to my best friend. And he’s the only person I feel a strong sexual attraction to — because of our connection, our dynamic, our trust and foundation. And yeah, he’s really hot. Especially when he’s taking off his belt.
We will sometimes involve sex with spanking, but it’s usually punishment sex. Orgasm denial and hard fucking meant for his pleasure and not mine. And even though I’m not coming from it, I really fucking enjoy it and hate it at the same time.
But, most of the time, a spanking is followed by whatever we were doing before the spanking started. Cooking dinner. Watching TV. Working. Sometimes it’s followed by aftercare, especially if it was particularly hard or cathartic.
Sex and spanking are separate acts. He will sometimes still spank me during sex, but it’s not for discipline. It’s foreplay. The intention is different; it’s sexy and playful and fun.
I identify myself as “asexual” on my profile, but I have always had a very high libido. I love to self-pleasure, and I enjoy the hedonistic sensations of sex. The way he fits inside me, the sounds we make together, the melding of our arousal and the taste of me on his lips. Sex isn’t always about orgasms for me.
Sometimes it’s just about the closeness and feeling wanted.
I get asked about being asexual every now and then. I rarely give a deep explanation; I usually just say I’m not sexually attracted to people. I still see beauty and can find someone attractive — but I don’t feel that arousal that I feel when I’m getting punished.
The truth is, my sexuality is fluid and it shifts all the time. I could be asexual or graysexual or demisexual or a full-on slut, at times.
But regardless of where I’m at on that spectrum of sexuality, I will get more aroused by the sight of a belt sitting on a chair, or the sound of my husband’s hand colliding with my butt, than any physical attributes.
I used to be ashamed by that. I used to think that I should want to see Michael Masterson’s penis. I used to think something was wrong with me.
But now, I’m really thankful for the space I’ve had to explore my own sexuality and I’m thankful for the people who have created content within that space that made me feel accepted.